there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
