And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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