Me too!
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
