In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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