atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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