Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
