Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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