I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
