we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
