Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize
