Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
