He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
