I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
