I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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