just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
and she was petting her beer can
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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