Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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