Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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