Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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