Betty ford says i'm here all night
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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