i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
