just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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