If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
