I don't usually arrange sex via text message
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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