Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
