how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
