i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
