My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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