Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
