it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Well I just put wine in my tea
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
