Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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