no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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