Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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