Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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