I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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