She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Randomize
