i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
