On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
