how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
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