What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
