Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
