weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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