Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
