it wasn't lemon gatorade
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
two words...techno handjob
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
