Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
