Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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