Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Randomize
