I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Randomize
