I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
