grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
