My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
