do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
