I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
