First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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